It's a mess

Love is a strange and beautiful thing.
Even though it can hurt so much, I still find myself chasing it all around, trying to hold it in my hands, if maybe just for a moment.

I promise that I will find it.

I've been seeing someone without seeing them, I suppose.  I feel for him, I want him, I even crave him.  But I am only his plan B.  I guess that stings.  But I've never met someone like him before, someone I am so attracted to, that is obviously attracted to me in return.  It hurts.  We're being friends right now, as he started seeing someone just before me.  But that tension is there.  The sexting.  The touch on the arm that lingers a little longer than normal.  The compliments. The eye contact... that melts.

Why can't I let him go?
Why can't he let him go?

If he sleeps with me, I will never trust him because he is officially a cheater.  Maybe that's not so true, because I'd hope that the sex would seal the deal in my favour... but the idea will lurk in my mind I'm quite sure.

If we don't sleep together, I'll lose him. 

It's a mess.

Out with him at the club, last night, we ran into a mutual friend.  It was so tough, because the mutual friend knows the other guy my guy is seeing.  Every time I heard that name my face would wince, every time I'd wince my date would wince because I did.

Can I just friend zone this beautiful man?
My hesitation lies within the idea that it's often hard to go from friends to lovers, and maybe worse when it clearly should have been just lovers from the get go.

One & Only

You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows
Why it's taking me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name,
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.
-Adele

little song

Today I am enjoying a little song that was written just for me.  I can't remember the last time I felt so moved.  When it was given to me I was all like: "oh wow, thanks so much."  But now... now, I am moved and feel butterflies tickling my stomach and heart when I hear the voice, and above all the words of a man that saw me for something better than I see myself most often.

Thank you for seeing me, not past me, or through me, but just seeing me.

The beauty mentioned I can relate to, because I felt this way before, but never had I suspected that someone would feel that way about me.

So thank you for this beautiful treat, I hope to hear it live once again.

Vlog Link

New Vlog is up:
Watch Vlog Click Here

G'night.

vlog-ing, dating, prepping, popping, and Movember

Met the man of my dreams today.  Doesn't mean that I am the man of his dreams though LOL, but *HE* was the one to contact me, after spotting me today. 

I've just vlog'd about it, and am uploading it to YouTube as we speak.  Well, we're not actually speaking, so how about "as I write this..?"  Perfect.

Gonna make some popcorn (hot-air NOT from the bag, cause that's gross), and watch a movie in bed.

Prepping myself for @GypsyFriday to go to India... ugh this is going to be a boring month for me.  However, I have requested that readers and viewers send in ideas as to fun things I can do without her, while she's gone.  Needlepoint perhaps?  I might try to wallpaper the bathroom... who can say.

 I wish her a fun and safe trip whilst she's gone though, and hope she doesn't get dysentery bitten by a shark, or any rabid dogs...  Unless she bites them first, in which case, all bets are off, and I wont take sides. Just so we're clear.

Grew a stache for Movember... HANDLEBARS!! Yikes.
It came in alright.  Lets see what it turns into.

Off to bed.

xo

first video blog. Vlog?

Hey y'all.
Just did my very first "vlog."  Check it out if you want.  The link is below.

Watch it by clicking here

Single Girls

So, one more little post before I get back to cooking dinner...
This song feels like it was written specifically for me:

I think you´d like my new hair
I cut it when you weren´t there
The pieces of us everywhere
Were falling down

My bed is now a girl´s bed
Pink flowers under my head
And pillows on your side instead
Of you

´Cause that´s what single girls do
Don´t think about you

I´m reading books on meditation
Praying for my heart´s salvation
I´ve got the motivation
To be a free girl now

I´ve gone drinking with the guy down the hall
Put up a new color on my bare walls
I´m so damn busy
After all

´Cause that´s what single girls do
Don´t think about you

I keep trying
I keep trying
To make my way back to the light where I belong
But God keeps lying
God keeps lying
Saying this is for the best and nothing here is wrong

But I'm still thinking about you

I think you'd like my new hair
I cut it like I didn't care
The pieces of me everywhere
Were falling down

One more glass of wine
Before I turn off the lights
This time I´ll be fine
I´ll be fine
I´ll be fine

Laura Jansen


Watch the video: CLICK HERE