little song

Today I am enjoying a little song that was written just for me.  I can't remember the last time I felt so moved.  When it was given to me I was all like: "oh wow, thanks so much."  But now... now, I am moved and feel butterflies tickling my stomach and heart when I hear the voice, and above all the words of a man that saw me for something better than I see myself most often.

Thank you for seeing me, not past me, or through me, but just seeing me.

The beauty mentioned I can relate to, because I felt this way before, but never had I suspected that someone would feel that way about me.

So thank you for this beautiful treat, I hope to hear it live once again.

Vlog Link

New Vlog is up:
Watch Vlog Click Here

G'night.

vlog-ing, dating, prepping, popping, and Movember

Met the man of my dreams today.  Doesn't mean that I am the man of his dreams though LOL, but *HE* was the one to contact me, after spotting me today. 

I've just vlog'd about it, and am uploading it to YouTube as we speak.  Well, we're not actually speaking, so how about "as I write this..?"  Perfect.

Gonna make some popcorn (hot-air NOT from the bag, cause that's gross), and watch a movie in bed.

Prepping myself for @GypsyFriday to go to India... ugh this is going to be a boring month for me.  However, I have requested that readers and viewers send in ideas as to fun things I can do without her, while she's gone.  Needlepoint perhaps?  I might try to wallpaper the bathroom... who can say.

 I wish her a fun and safe trip whilst she's gone though, and hope she doesn't get dysentery bitten by a shark, or any rabid dogs...  Unless she bites them first, in which case, all bets are off, and I wont take sides. Just so we're clear.

Grew a stache for Movember... HANDLEBARS!! Yikes.
It came in alright.  Lets see what it turns into.

Off to bed.

xo

first video blog. Vlog?

Hey y'all.
Just did my very first "vlog."  Check it out if you want.  The link is below.

Watch it by clicking here

Single Girls

So, one more little post before I get back to cooking dinner...
This song feels like it was written specifically for me:

I think you´d like my new hair
I cut it when you weren´t there
The pieces of us everywhere
Were falling down

My bed is now a girl´s bed
Pink flowers under my head
And pillows on your side instead
Of you

´Cause that´s what single girls do
Don´t think about you

I´m reading books on meditation
Praying for my heart´s salvation
I´ve got the motivation
To be a free girl now

I´ve gone drinking with the guy down the hall
Put up a new color on my bare walls
I´m so damn busy
After all

´Cause that´s what single girls do
Don´t think about you

I keep trying
I keep trying
To make my way back to the light where I belong
But God keeps lying
God keeps lying
Saying this is for the best and nothing here is wrong

But I'm still thinking about you

I think you'd like my new hair
I cut it like I didn't care
The pieces of me everywhere
Were falling down

One more glass of wine
Before I turn off the lights
This time I´ll be fine
I´ll be fine
I´ll be fine

Laura Jansen


Watch the video: CLICK HERE

Things that make you go hmmm.

My mom's in town.  Currently sleeping in my bed, while I sit here on the couch waiting on the roast beef I have on the go.

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be her.
Dozens of pills per day, pain-killers and anti-psychotics and anti-depressants.  Something kind of scary in that.  She is 100% the reason that I have a problem even eating Tylenol.  I wonder what it's like to be her, so that I can figure out a way to never become her. 

Something happened maybe, some accident, or something that pushed her over the edge one day.  I can't say, because I don't really know.  But whatever it was, she is not the woman I remember.  This is probably a good thing, as I don't really remember liking the woman that she was very much.  She is a lot calmer most times, and often quiet... until she's not. 

Predictable now too.  That is the thing I like the most.  I can always call out exactly what the visits will be like.  Wanting breakfast served to her, exactly the way she wants it.  Questioning my use of pepper in EVERY single dish that I cook, she full on believes that she is allergic to pepper... (I have seen her eat food LOADED with pepper, and she's fine. As long as you promise that it is not the case.)  Or questioning the use of feather pillows on my bed (which I don't in fact use...) as she is allergic to feathers too... 




 
Last night I apparently made her angry, when I wouldn't give her a ring that was a gift from my late ex Dorian.  Yikes.  I love her, honestly I do, but it's hard sometimes to not be my regular self and just say "enough is enough."  If I snap, she will cry until she vomits, and then verbally assault me until I end up being the one that says sorry. So I tough it out.  She is being quite good this visit though, so that is a plus. 

I wonder If I will become like her one day.  I pray that I never suffer from such extreme mental illness.  I appreciate the people in my life so much more during (and after) these visits.  I think it helps to know that there are people out there that may tell me when/if I am sliding off the deep end.  She means well, and I know she loves me (at least I hope so), so I take the good with the bad.  But honestly, I could use a glass of straight up gin right now.

Last night, whilst my mother was sleeping in my bed, and I was sleeping on the couch, my roommate (it was his birthday) came home and proceeded to vomit for close to an hour.  The neighbors were very drunk as well, and were vomiting in the back alley.  All I could hear was vomiting and snoring.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  When I finally got my 4.5 hours of sleep, I was awoken by being hit in the face with a pillow by my mother, like a kid on Christmas morning, wanting coffee and breakfast.  I think maybe I am just tired.

Now, as both my mother and my roommate sleep, I am sitting here, waiting for dinner to cook, with red tired eyes, and just maybe the start of a few new wrinkles. 

God help me.

Thank goodness I tend to skip the family visits during most holidays... I would look like I was about 95 years old right now otherwise.