A few good things

I got me a couple of really good friends.

I'm not sure I need much more than that.

I think the more I look at what's going on around me,

the more it is that I appreciate the people that matter.

Thanks for helping me smile at least once a day.

Every day.

It's a mess

Love is a strange and beautiful thing.
Even though it can hurt so much, I still find myself chasing it all around, trying to hold it in my hands, if maybe just for a moment.

I promise that I will find it.

I've been seeing someone without seeing them, I suppose.  I feel for him, I want him, I even crave him.  But I am only his plan B.  I guess that stings.  But I've never met someone like him before, someone I am so attracted to, that is obviously attracted to me in return.  It hurts.  We're being friends right now, as he started seeing someone just before me.  But that tension is there.  The sexting.  The touch on the arm that lingers a little longer than normal.  The compliments. The eye contact... that melts.

Why can't I let him go?
Why can't he let him go?

If he sleeps with me, I will never trust him because he is officially a cheater.  Maybe that's not so true, because I'd hope that the sex would seal the deal in my favour... but the idea will lurk in my mind I'm quite sure.

If we don't sleep together, I'll lose him. 

It's a mess.

Out with him at the club, last night, we ran into a mutual friend.  It was so tough, because the mutual friend knows the other guy my guy is seeing.  Every time I heard that name my face would wince, every time I'd wince my date would wince because I did.

Can I just friend zone this beautiful man?
My hesitation lies within the idea that it's often hard to go from friends to lovers, and maybe worse when it clearly should have been just lovers from the get go.

One & Only

You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows
Why it's taking me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name,
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.
-Adele

little song

Today I am enjoying a little song that was written just for me.  I can't remember the last time I felt so moved.  When it was given to me I was all like: "oh wow, thanks so much."  But now... now, I am moved and feel butterflies tickling my stomach and heart when I hear the voice, and above all the words of a man that saw me for something better than I see myself most often.

Thank you for seeing me, not past me, or through me, but just seeing me.

The beauty mentioned I can relate to, because I felt this way before, but never had I suspected that someone would feel that way about me.

So thank you for this beautiful treat, I hope to hear it live once again.

Vlog Link

New Vlog is up:
Watch Vlog Click Here

G'night.

vlog-ing, dating, prepping, popping, and Movember

Met the man of my dreams today.  Doesn't mean that I am the man of his dreams though LOL, but *HE* was the one to contact me, after spotting me today. 

I've just vlog'd about it, and am uploading it to YouTube as we speak.  Well, we're not actually speaking, so how about "as I write this..?"  Perfect.

Gonna make some popcorn (hot-air NOT from the bag, cause that's gross), and watch a movie in bed.

Prepping myself for @GypsyFriday to go to India... ugh this is going to be a boring month for me.  However, I have requested that readers and viewers send in ideas as to fun things I can do without her, while she's gone.  Needlepoint perhaps?  I might try to wallpaper the bathroom... who can say.

 I wish her a fun and safe trip whilst she's gone though, and hope she doesn't get dysentery bitten by a shark, or any rabid dogs...  Unless she bites them first, in which case, all bets are off, and I wont take sides. Just so we're clear.

Grew a stache for Movember... HANDLEBARS!! Yikes.
It came in alright.  Lets see what it turns into.

Off to bed.

xo

first video blog. Vlog?

Hey y'all.
Just did my very first "vlog."  Check it out if you want.  The link is below.

Watch it by clicking here

Single Girls

So, one more little post before I get back to cooking dinner...
This song feels like it was written specifically for me:

I think you´d like my new hair
I cut it when you weren´t there
The pieces of us everywhere
Were falling down

My bed is now a girl´s bed
Pink flowers under my head
And pillows on your side instead
Of you

´Cause that´s what single girls do
Don´t think about you

I´m reading books on meditation
Praying for my heart´s salvation
I´ve got the motivation
To be a free girl now

I´ve gone drinking with the guy down the hall
Put up a new color on my bare walls
I´m so damn busy
After all

´Cause that´s what single girls do
Don´t think about you

I keep trying
I keep trying
To make my way back to the light where I belong
But God keeps lying
God keeps lying
Saying this is for the best and nothing here is wrong

But I'm still thinking about you

I think you'd like my new hair
I cut it like I didn't care
The pieces of me everywhere
Were falling down

One more glass of wine
Before I turn off the lights
This time I´ll be fine
I´ll be fine
I´ll be fine

Laura Jansen


Watch the video: CLICK HERE

Things that make you go hmmm.

My mom's in town.  Currently sleeping in my bed, while I sit here on the couch waiting on the roast beef I have on the go.

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be her.
Dozens of pills per day, pain-killers and anti-psychotics and anti-depressants.  Something kind of scary in that.  She is 100% the reason that I have a problem even eating Tylenol.  I wonder what it's like to be her, so that I can figure out a way to never become her. 

Something happened maybe, some accident, or something that pushed her over the edge one day.  I can't say, because I don't really know.  But whatever it was, she is not the woman I remember.  This is probably a good thing, as I don't really remember liking the woman that she was very much.  She is a lot calmer most times, and often quiet... until she's not. 

Predictable now too.  That is the thing I like the most.  I can always call out exactly what the visits will be like.  Wanting breakfast served to her, exactly the way she wants it.  Questioning my use of pepper in EVERY single dish that I cook, she full on believes that she is allergic to pepper... (I have seen her eat food LOADED with pepper, and she's fine. As long as you promise that it is not the case.)  Or questioning the use of feather pillows on my bed (which I don't in fact use...) as she is allergic to feathers too... 




 
Last night I apparently made her angry, when I wouldn't give her a ring that was a gift from my late ex Dorian.  Yikes.  I love her, honestly I do, but it's hard sometimes to not be my regular self and just say "enough is enough."  If I snap, she will cry until she vomits, and then verbally assault me until I end up being the one that says sorry. So I tough it out.  She is being quite good this visit though, so that is a plus. 

I wonder If I will become like her one day.  I pray that I never suffer from such extreme mental illness.  I appreciate the people in my life so much more during (and after) these visits.  I think it helps to know that there are people out there that may tell me when/if I am sliding off the deep end.  She means well, and I know she loves me (at least I hope so), so I take the good with the bad.  But honestly, I could use a glass of straight up gin right now.

Last night, whilst my mother was sleeping in my bed, and I was sleeping on the couch, my roommate (it was his birthday) came home and proceeded to vomit for close to an hour.  The neighbors were very drunk as well, and were vomiting in the back alley.  All I could hear was vomiting and snoring.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  When I finally got my 4.5 hours of sleep, I was awoken by being hit in the face with a pillow by my mother, like a kid on Christmas morning, wanting coffee and breakfast.  I think maybe I am just tired.

Now, as both my mother and my roommate sleep, I am sitting here, waiting for dinner to cook, with red tired eyes, and just maybe the start of a few new wrinkles. 

God help me.

Thank goodness I tend to skip the family visits during most holidays... I would look like I was about 95 years old right now otherwise.

Dracula Snow Globe. Or: Tears for fears.

A great day.
Lunch with pals, shopping with one of my favorite people on the planet.  I found an awesome little Dracula snow globe.  Halloween is the best time for me to find home decor.  Is that creepy?

Full on functioning as a single boy.  It gets easier some days.  Some days... not so much.  Today I am lucky to have it easy.

I think I can pretty much predict that it will feel tough again, but not as bad as before.  Everyday it changes.  Talking to my friend today, I remembered how it felt to cry on the floor for days.  How it felt to not be able to eat or drink or do anything but just lay in that spot.  Sometimes I'd throw up from crying so much. I remembered my roommate at the time Nolan, and how he'd step over me to get to the other room, as even he could see that the only one that can put me back together is me.  That must have been gross for him...

 That was YEARS ago.  I have come a long way.  Every time it gets easier to pick up the pieces.

Problematically, I am no longer grieving the loss of love, but more irritated by the absence of it.  However, as I said before, today is not one of the bad days.

How does one make an effort to ensure these days are more and more good?  I haven't learned the answer to that yet.

Perhaps my room being clean and organized will help.  I have been working on this bedroom for a while now... It really hasn't felt good to me since my birthday this year, in May.  That was when I watched myself slowly begin to unravel.  I think when this room is done, I may start to feel good everyday.  Or at least every night.  Lets find out. 

I think I bought the snow globe as a way to force myself to clean this room.  It is, after all, a Dracula themed room.  Why would I put a delicate snow globe in here if it was messy and crazy?  It would only get broken.  Tonight, before I rest my head, this room will be functional!

Back to work... I still need my beauty sleep.

C.

City Girl

I cried so hard that you pushed me
Further away
I screamed so loud you called the
Police on me
I got so city girl on you
I get so sad that
Sad gets to be
So scared that all my feelings
They up and leave me
I got so city girl on you
I go so crazy I
Don't know what to do
Ooh, ooh
I look so long
I get obvious
I look so hard
I look obvious
I work so much
I miss the sun shine away
I sleep so little
Watch the stars fade into day
I get so city girl on you
I go so crazy I
Don't know what to do
Ooh, ooh
I get uncertain from this
I'll be perfect from now on
But all my promises
They're out the window once you're gone
You pack your bags
You say I love you but I cannot stay
So I started smoking
Thought the signals
Would scare your wolves away
I got so city girl on you
I went so crazy I
Didn't know what to do
I got so city girl on you
I went so crazy I
Didn't know what to do
Ooh, ooh
I cried so hard that you pushed me
Further away
I screamed so loud you called the
Police on me
You pack your bags
You say I love you but I cannot stay
So I started smoking
Thought the signals
Would scare your wolves away
I got so city girl on you
I went so crazy I
Didn't know what to do
I got so city girl on you
I went so crazy I
Didn't know what to do
Ooh

Lyrics by TQ

a long walk

Today I will try to not take everything so seriously.
I'm going to try to regain my positive outlook on things.  I'm not exactly sure what caused me to lose it, or even exactly when it slipped away, but as of right now, I'm going to grab a hold of some good change, dig in my nails, and hold on tight.

Many people in this world have it way worse than me.

A letter from Sally

I had forgotten for a while about the film "Practical Magic."
Halloween is here, and it usually gets a play 'round this time of year.

The one thing in the movie that always stands out to me, is Sally's letter to her sister, which reads like so:

[Sally's letter to Gillian]

"Dearest Gilli,
Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon."

Gets me, every time.
I think as I got older, the letter feels more and more like I am writing it myself.

Monthly Man-sies.

Ugh,
I have figured out the route of all this internal poopiness.
It's my man period.  I'm sure of it.

Today, at work, I almost lost my cool with the sweetest little old Russian woman, because she was taking so long to decide on a lip colour.  Then after giving a 71 year old woman a freeze frame demo makeover, I almost cried because she looked happy.

Perhaps I am not as lonely after all?

When any movie starring bloody buggery Ashton Kutcher can invoke any emotion in me besides irritation, annoyance, or the the need to turn it off, it's a sure sign of my monthly man flow.

My feet hurt, my back hurts, my skin looks horrid.  Perhaps being raised by women has ruined my hormonal balance?

I want some fucking chocolate, and I want it right now. Not 5 minutes from now. NOW.

Also, I feel better about being single today than yesterday.  I don't want anyone in my personal space, and certainly not a man "of interest."  I need to be right where I am, right now:  Sprawled out in my bed in too-loose shorts, a tee shirt, and badly paired jewelry.  Drinking tea that's too sweet (but more than delicious), and still wanting some god-damned chocolate.  Maybe Reese's? 

In other news, iPhone OS5 was released today, and if my computer and phone don't make friends with each other soon and upgrade faster, I will possibly drown them both in my bath-tub and take up the use of carrier pigeons.

Anyway, if anybody is actually reading this: Sorry.
I will be nicer tomorrow I hope.  Maybe a little St. John's Wort, some green tea, and some chocolate.
Then: I'll be fine and dandy.

I hope.

Choice

Ever feel like instead of having soooo many choices, that you yourself are simply one of many other peoples many other choices?  Like no-name ketchup: Someone will grab you when the better bottles are gone.  In reality, the no-name ketchup is way less expensive, and tastes exactly the same if not better than the brand name stuff.

I kind of feel like this today.

When the boys of my life need sauce, they seem to go for the newest flavor, instead of the good old classic.  What do I do?  Should I add something?  Spice it up? Change what I am?  After I've added the zest, can I ever taste the same again?

I guess I may never know.  Man I hate this being single bull-shit.  I hate it a lot.

I want someone to cook for.  I want someone to hold me at night.  I want love. The fights, the making up, the romance, the reality, the dream. I want it all, and i want it now.

Had a date with the engineer last night, all went well.  I like him and he's oh so sweet, but does he feel the same?  Have I given the milk away for free?  Is there a spark? or am I convincing myself to feel less lonely?

Is there something wrong with me? I mean besides the obvious trust issues I bear, and the self loathing I am starting to feel.  No-one is creating this lonely place but me.  I just wish I could figure out what I am doing wrong and simply work at fixing it.

Am I unattractive?  Am I unkind? Am I selfish?  I gotta figure this shit out.  30 is lurking.  30? 30? 30? OMFG 30!!!

I don't want to spend my 30's unsuccessful in love, money, time management, and health. 

How do I get on the right path?  How do I figure it all out?  HOW?

I digress.

The idea that I would have been married by now (successfully: Meaning not divorced or separated or widowed) is such a joke... But when I see my friends starting their new lives with partners, or other friends still being with their very alive partners, it feels a bit like the knife going in.  Why is that?  I mean, of course I am so very happy for them, but I crave to be happy like they are.

Every night I wash my face, put on my night cream, my eye cream, my lip treatment.  Every night I crawl into my cold lonely bed and go to sleep.  Every morning I wake up alone.  Is this going to change?  Is this going to just become standard forever?  Am I biding my time? Or simply training myself to get used to the way life will always be?

Do I settle for whatever comes my way?  Douche bags and users?  Just to not feel lonely?  I feel like I am getting there.  I guess the one good thing about being a divorcee and a widow is that I can never be called a spinster...

I'm going to now lay in bed, watch a movie (most likely about two stupid people that fall in love) and go to bed.  Maybe tonight I shouldn't even wash off my makeup... break the cycle?

Someone like you

So, I've been having thoughts of an ex recently.  Not sure why, but he comes into my thoughts every few months or so since we broke up a few years ago.

I miss him tonight so much.  I think I loved how we were friends AND lovers.

He made me be me, forced me to actually.  It was a great time in my life.  My best friend at the time and I had a fight, and as a last trial at hurting me he broke us up.  I think it spiraled into some sort of mess, and kind of cleaned itself up on its own, but never really got back to where it was.

Secretly, I have never forgiven my friend for the mess he caused, but that's a whole other story. 

My ex and I hooked up for single nights here and there over the last few years, but I can't get anything more it would seem.  I want more.  But that's life.

Our recent email transactions on facebook looked like this:

Me:

"Dear _____,
It bugs me that you are so handsome. It's distracting.
Sigh.
I miss you.
Is that dumb/lame/sad?"

Him:

"Ha ha no never dumb ....
Thank u love :)"

Me:

"Well I hope it's not too little too late _____, I know I hurt you before, and I can never apologize enough for it. But I'd really like to know you again. You're a special guy, and I've never really had you leave my mind."

_______________________________________________________________________

I feel as though I exposed myself too much to him there, but I thought as I sent it: better to say it than to always wonder.

Where is the fucking delete button?
Why can't I delete it?

I feel like I will face a horrid rejection in the morning, or whenever it is that he responds.  Now I will probably continue to check my email every hour until he responds.

Ugh.

But it was all true.  Somehow I allowed him to get hurt, I feel bad, I want him, and Jesus... He just gets more beautiful every time I see him or a picture of him. 

I will figure this out. I will. But it's gonna hurt.  I can already tell.

And what of the Ginger? and the engineer?  I'd gladly walk away, no biggie.  No commitment yet, nothing serious.  I want this to feel serious.  I want him.

Let's see how this pans out.
Maybe I might be surprised?  Maybe it will be a good surprise? 
Cross my finger and toes and heart that it will be.

Goodnight.

Saw it on Facebook & LOVED it.

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.


Mermaids do not exist.


But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?


Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.


At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.


We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

(The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)

_______________________________________________________________________________

Christoff Thinks:

Personally, I find women with curve breath-taking.  Why is it that skin and bones is so attractive and considered the norm?  Super-Models are not the norm, yet they are all quite thin.  What's up with that? Otherwise, wouldn't EVERYONE be a supermodel?

I consider the real girls in life the sexiest, as it's not about what they are hiding, but more what they are capable of.  Don't misunderstand, beautiful girls are beautiful girls, thin or curvy.  But there is something to be said for a natural frame.  If only I could feel this way about my own frame.

I love myself the best that I can, but sometimes I wish I loved myself just a bit more in the body department.

Regina Spektor said in a song "I've got a perfect body, but sometimes I forget. I've got a perfect body, because my eyelashes catch my sweat."

How true.  I can walk, run, dance, eat, sleep, drink, grow, shrink... my body works, and that makes it perfect. And so is yours.

Red

I met a guy. He's really nice, and pretty much a blessed catch.
However, he's a ginger. The cutest ginger I have ever met, mind you.

I caught myself staring at his shiny fair eyelashes, those cute freckles...

I have never fallen for this type before, so it's intriguing. 

Kissing that went on for hours. 

We plan to go out again.
Soon.

Splendid.

Freeze Frame Attempt #2

Again I tried this product.  Today (hangover hell day) seemed like a PERFECT day to attempt removing the bags and fine lines leftover from a night of drinking a bit too much wine, and more than a few gin Caesar's.

I applied the freeze frame serum this time directly on my swollen and saggy looking under-eye lid.  Success!  Kind of...  The first eye set in while I was applying the product to the next.  The creases and bags smoothed away almost instantly! The other eye... not so much.  Maybe I didn't apply it exactly the same as the first, but one eye has a bit of baggage left and the other looks like the well rested peeper of a 19 year old.

I think that the magic potion does indeed work, but it seems like it has 100% to do with HOW you apply it.  I will probably find a method that works for me with a few more trials.  Is it worth the $89.00? (I'm currently using a sample until I decide for sure) Probably.  A few more test runs and I'll know for sure.

Problematically, the product doesn't seem to want to play nice with makeup.  The light powder I always return to when hung over seems to draw attention to the residue left over from the freeze frame.  I NEVER use liquid makeup on my face, but I think that would be a bad idea for this serum anyhow.  The rich and creamy foundations would most likely dilute the effects, as washing the face terminates the strong effects of freeze frame.  Or so the yappy Australian woman in the infomercial claims. 

My forehead lines were not as noticeably diminished, but (I have a feeling) it again has a lot to do with my application method.  The instructions tell you to remain still and relaxed (facially), while the stuff sets in.  By the time I was applying it to my forehead, I started to notice the effects on my eyes.  SURPRISE! or at least that is the look I kept having come over my face.  The lines on my forehead show most when I look surprised, so I doubt I was relaxing.

My smile lines disappeared though.

Conclusion to trial #2:
Less residue, as less really is more, and I used it even more sparingly. Also, noticeable effects on my eyes (or at least eye.) 

Man I wish this product came with a technician to apply it for you. But at that point, botox would be where I'd go.  One of the catchiest parts of this product is the ability to use it at home.

Freeze Frame

So I tried the "miracle" product, freeze frame (a non injected alternative to botox), and it worked... mostly.

I was too nervous to rub the product too close to my eyes, which is where I feel as the the problem wrinkle area is.  But on my smile lines and crows-feet and also on my forehead it worked. I think.  But I applied the product right before I was to head out on a night on the town.

 PROBLEM!

 I tried hard to abide the less-is-more rule my manager explained to me.  I sparingly applied the product to my lines, but when it dried, it had a shiny-ish white appearance.  It was noticeable, so I washed off the serum, just a little, and applied some pressed powder over-top to hide the mild mess. 

Apparently, the product is good up to 8 hours, OR... until you wash it off.   ugh.  The effects did not stick, because I washed them away.  Maybe not the best product to try directly before a want to look pretty while out and about night.

(We've all seen the half face process, right? Above is one I found online.)

My face during the process felt tight, perhaps too tight, but maybe I liked that just a bit.  Maybe my shin tone is too dark for the product?  It worked though.  Another cosmetics manager tried it and told me it worked for her, but only lasted about 4 hours.  And my own manager tried it (and she is definitely a porcelain complexion), she as well noticed the white leftovers.

Recommendation to the company:  Make this product easier to use, AND also for darker skin tones.  Perhaps a tint would be nice.

I'll give this product another go, and write about my second and maybe third trials with it.

HOW IT WORKS:

(this is directly from their site)

It looks like Instant Botox!

In an unprecedented breakthrough, cosmetic chemists have discovered a complex that literally freezes expression wrinkles upon application. This discovery has sent shockwaves through the cosmetic research industry as the implications of a topical alternative to Botox injections become realised.

Meanwhile, women around the world breathe a collective sigh of relief as the introduction of a new cosmetic called freezeframe, which includes this exclusive complex INHIBOX, finally delivers what we have all been waiting for – a topical formulation that wipes away wrinkles immediately.

Introducing freezeframe™ with INHIBOX™ No Needles, No Doctors, No Pain - Just instant age defying results!

Look years Younger in just minutes!

Why wait for months to look younger when you can wipe away the years right this very minute! This is one product that doesn’t require clinical trials to prove it’s working (although it does have them) – the proof is in the trying. No one can deny the effect as this miracle of cosmetic science works its magic. Try it and in just minutes you will see wrinkles disappear before your very eyes!

INHIBOX™ – it’s like Valium® for your skin.

It’s a known fact now that one of the major causes of wrinkles is repetitive facial movement. That is, repetitive muscle movement. But what if you could instantly relax your skin the way Valium would relax your body?

Well, that is exactly the inspiration behind this incredible new complex.

In fact, one of the active ingredients in the INHIBOX complex in freezeframe is very similar to the active ingredient in Valium, It's called Gamma Aminobutyc Acid or more commonly referred to as GABA. But don’t worry, it’s not a chemical and it is not at all dangerous. In fact, it is already produced inside your body naturally – it’s a natural amino acid that is your body’s own muscle relaxant!

The interesting thing about GABA is this – not only is it the major inhibitory neurotransmitter (muscle relaxant) in your central nervous system – it is also directly responsible for the regulation of muscle tone! That’s why it has such an amazing effect on the skin – it can relax and tone at the same time.

This results in a dramatic, if temporary, wrinkle erasing, lifting and toning effect – and the best part is that it only takes a few minutes to look 10, even 20 years younger!

But what if the effects weren’t just temporary? What if you could also achieve a dramatic reduction in wrinkles for the long term as well?

Secretly

I'VE BEEN BIDING MY TIME,
BEEN SO SUBTLY KIND,
I GOT TO THINK SO SELFISHLY,
'COS YOU'RE THE FACE INSIDE OF ME.

I'VE BEEN BIDING MY DAYS,
U SEE EVIDENTLY IT PAYS,
I'VE BEEN A FRIEND,
WITH UNBIASED VIEWS,
THEN SECRETLY LUST AFTER YOU.

SO NOW HE'S GONE RUSTY
YOU'RE BORED AND BEMUSED.

YOU WANNA DO SOMEONE ELSE,
SO YOU SHOULD BE BY YOURSELF,
INSTEAD OF HERE WITH ME,

SECRETLY.

TRYING HARD TO THINK PURE,
BLOODY HARD WHEN I'M RAW,
YOU TALKING OUT SO SEXUALLY,
'BOUT BOYS 'N GIRLS AND YOUR FRIGGIN' DREAMS

SO NOW YOU FEEL LUSTY,
YOU'RE HOT AND CONFUSED,
SO NOW YOU'VE BEEN BUSTED,
YOU'RE CAUGHT FEELING USED.

YOU HAD TO DO SOMEONE ELSE,
YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN BY YOURSELF,
INSTEAD OF HERE WITH ME,

SECRETLY,

SECRETLY.

>SKUNK ANANSIE<

UltraLounge for a better day.

So I have obtained the ultra-lounge collection. Joy.
I love the background noise that's everything from strange 1950's jungle jazz, to 1960's and 1970's weirdness. 

Fave's in the collection are Bongo Land, Mondo Hollywood, and the  Leopard Sampler.
So much other stuff to listen through.  It's great (and a little strange) to just play as background music through out the day.  Will be the highlight of any swanky martini party too!

There are a ton more too.
I'm happy to have gotten them all.  Even the Christmas Albums will be nice during their propper season.

upDATE

Date canceled due to jetlag.
I soon after did what any other man would do: Picked up a pizza, smoked a joint, and passed out soon after.  Emotional eating at its finest.

I am now going to watch 4 straight hours or more of 1980's movies, and aim to pass out sitting up.

Success.

Date:

Excited for my date with the hunky engineer tonight.
Not sure of exactly the plans, except he will be picking me up after 7:30.
Date numero 2. 

Perhaps this could be something to smile about.
at 41, the handsom fella stands 6 foot 8inches, drives a cute mercedes convertable, and enjoys anything outdoors, traveling, and riding bikes.

What a catch, right?

SleepWalk

I find myself awake, just before 5am.
Have an acheing for lobster topped pizza, and perhaps a tigh cuddle (the kind that makes your chest sweat from body heat under blankets.)

I think I feel some kind of change happening, whether that change is just in the weather or in my luck I can't say.  I feel close to something new though, and can't say if that's good or bad either.

Let's close our eyes, relax completely, and return to sleep.
The morning may bring magical things...

http://youtu.be/clvIbq8sBAU (This will help you fall asleep, everytime.)
enjoy the link.

G'night/morning

Poem: And when I met him.

I remember the warm feeling the first time our eyes met.
And when I met him, I sighed.

I sighed.

I sighed the kind of wimper a teenage girl makes when she is daydreaming of her pin-up boy.

Now, I sigh a parental sigh, a sigh of crisp, clean, complete disaproval.
Or the noise a lover makes when they know their time is up.

I remember the warm feeling the first time our eyes met.
And when I met him, I sighed.

Hopeful

I am excited about a new job I applied and interviewed for at a medical spa.
I may find out tomorrow, but am prepaired to wait until mid next week before I get worried.

It feels like the perfect job for me. The pay is great, the environment is relaxed, and it's simply stunning in there.


Love: Been missing a lot of a close friend lately, thinking I may be stupidly in love with him is dumb, but fair.  Otherwise why is he on my mind morning through night?  No other leads.

Food: Attempting to eat less of it.

Friends: One of my bff's is pregnant.  Excited.  Another is off to Vancouver with some other friends. (Green is not a good colour on me.)  And a long lost friend has been slowly working her way back in.  Texts, and at long last... a phone call today. 

Feeling under the weather today, so decided a dont go to work day was in order.

xoxo

Here's to my first blog.

Tonight seems to be a good of a night as any to start blogging.

I think with the amount of amazing random events in my day to day life, why not document and share them with the world, or the 2 people out there that may or may-not read this.

Work: Full work week ahead of me, and that's starting to feel normal. 13-14 hour days are becoming the standard, and I am fine with that, except when I am unsure of which locations and times i work the following day... like tomorrow... zero idea where in the city I will be.  I have written down my schedule, but misplaced it somewhere. Yikes.

Love: No prospects. 

The man I love and have always loved is so wrong for me. That being said, it is probably a good thing that he is not interested...

I have been patiently waiting on a new friend to introduce me to her "cute" cardiologist cousin.  He's in my age group, has a great job, and sounds great, even if just by association.  That's all I know.

With getting the brush off last week from the cutey I had hooked up with, my fear of rejection is looming.  I'm hoping that this is the end of a cycle, instead of the start.

Food: Made Indian food last night for my friend jackson.  It was pretty yummy.

Friends: Most seem pretty busy lately, with work and weddings, and life.  I work so  much that I crave a night with friends, and for the last few weekends have been getting what I want... Mostly.  Somehow I need to try aand see the people I want to without having to go to a bar...  This (binge) drinking thing is starting to have an effect on me.